Wednesday 30 December 2015

goodbye 2015. thank you for being another memorable year to me. thank you for giving me the chance to meet new people.. and people i never ever wanna lose. although there was many ups and downs this year. I'm glad i have passed this obstacle in life and I'm ready to face 2016. not really looking forward because I'm scared. I'm scared that certain people i want to see in 2016, won't be there anymore. i really don't want to lose leong. if we can't be more than friends. then please let me just stay friends with him. i cannot and idk how to live without him. he became apart of me now. i know in my last post. i said ill lock my feelings up and that ill just stay friends. I'm sorry i broke that promise to myself. I'm sorry i can't keep my words.. he attempted to come in again. i couldn't block him out anymore. .. idk whads gonna happen. i dc whether people will hate me or not. i think i need to fight for who i want to be with.. but if he ever asks me to stay away, i will.

thank you for all the wonderful memories created. no matter where you go in the future. i will always remember you. everywhere i walk, i can see traces of our memories, and I'm glad i will never have to delete them again. i want to keep all these precious memories. even if we can't be together , i still have our memories. thank you for everything. :)


thank you to everyone else that are apart of my 2015.

Thursday 17 December 2015

its finally time to say goodbye to our past. its time to start anew. but I'm glad that w my new beginning , you will still be a part of it. I'm really thankful that i finally made up my mind and set my heart to achieve this task. its really time to lock my feelings up . its finally time to say goodbye. thank you for all the wonderful memories created in 2015, i will never forget them. i wish it can last forever tho, and that we can create more of such memories. and even better ones, but i know its not gonna happen anytime soon. I'm really blessed to have the chance to meet you. I'm really thankful for the chance also. although we met each other at the wrong timing of our life. but i believe that we will still be a part of each other future. the past two months was really tough.. fighting the urge to keep you by my side and making you my happiness. when i know it will bring sadness to her and you in another way.. I'm really sorry for doing that. 原来勉强是真的没有幸福的.. but its okay, I'm glad i realise my mistakes alr. I've decided to lock my feelings up for good. i will never open it up again until its the right time. but its okay if the time don't come also, cause whad matters to me most, is you being happy.  i will treat you as a normal friend only, if that is whad you wanted it to be from the start. I'm sorry i came in and made a wreck out of it.  i hope that you will not forget me in times to come . i hope we can still texts like how we used to. i hope we can maintain our friendship the way it is.. or even better, if only you aren't afraid to call me your friend. its like a sin for us to be friends. unless we can be tgt openly... but i really want us to be open abt our friendship. is it really that hard? if you dw them to know, its okay. i understand....

Sunday 6 December 2015

i finally got the chance to meet your gf. in person, at genki.. tbh, i been wanting to see her in person, I'm very curious abt her. when i saw ur friend, i knew something is gonna happen, but i never knew it will be this soon. she knew very well i work there. she knows that i have a crush on you. i feel really bad, but i really dk how to stop liking you. i can't and i won't. there is this feeling inside of me that keeps telling me that i shouldn't be afraid of it, and that i should fight for it. its like someone is telling me to fight for my own happiness and that everything will be ok even if the journey gets harder. and this is why i haven't give up and won't be giving up. i am more afraid of losing you completely then being rejected.

okay, i was kinda affected by her ytd. initially, i was very affected. it scared me when i realise i have to meet here f2f so soon. and the fact that she look at me, and said something to her friends. it really bugged me a lot. then zhen told everyone that she is ur gf.. its so .... and the fact that zhen reminded me and told me she is here.... honestly i don't have any rights to be jealous... i don't have it.. I'm not her, I'm just someone that likes you a lot. and that there is something going on between us that no one should know. i tried to hide my feelings, i didn't want anyone to know i was affected. but i guessed it kinda gave in and they all knows. its so confusing and misleading. especially when tan knows that we been chatting everyday. and the fact that everyone knows you're attached. and then there is me. people may think that I'm a bitch to be liking you and being so close to you despite the fact that you have a gf. i placed all my stakes on you , because if i have to i want to lose everything so that i can find old kitty back. not that i hate the current me, but its also a better me, but its not going to be easy to become someone better .90% of me now is because of you. you changed my life, I won't be who i am now if it wasn't for you..


im glad that when i closed my previous chapter in life. i came to this chapter, and that the main lead now is you. and that i never want this chapter to end .. but i know its gonna end some day. either the main lead leaves. or that the next chapter will still be on you. i really want to close this chapter and find you in my next chapter too. :(   i dw to say goodbye to you, its gonna hurt even more than knowing I'm a bitch  ... when kei and tan openly say that i shouldn't be so sad and that my face is quiet obvious,..  i wanted them to keep it down, cause i have no rights to be feeling that way in public... but I'm glad , that you look at me, and tried to make me laugh. maybe its just my mindset, but I'm glad you tried to make me laugh and smile still. hehe ^^  i really appreciate it all even tho, I'm a third party here and you never failed to cheer me up. if you can be happy, ill be very happy too. thank you for being there for me,, thank you for writing this chapter w me. and leaving memories w me. 2k15 won't be the same without you. now that we came to decemeber. Genki is going to close for idk how long, but i hope that nothing changes afterwards. if it does, i hope it changes for the better.  idw to close this chapter and not find you in my next chapter.

it hard to know whad you really feel , you words and texts may be lies but idky sometimes it feels so real .. thank you for getting me the snack i love. it really is heartwarming to know that, you got one specially for me, you could have just placed in there for everyone and me to share, but i got one all for myself. maybe its my childish thoughts, but I'm really happy deep inside, idk how long more this can last , but i wan this happiness to be legal . if only i can, bring you home, tell everyone abt you... you may not be the best guy on earth, you may not be rich and wealthy. my future may be very bright next time, but I'm willing to walk w you if i can. i don't mind being poor if its w you.  you are my happiness.

Thursday 3 December 2015

so i was right, everything is back to sq one again. but this time, its different. when you was away. the way you chat me up, the way you talk to me. its all so different. and i like this change. because i like you. because you became my everything, while I'm just a spare piece in your life, i know very well that you won't be able to leave her side. it won't be easy for you and her, especially when you guys came a long way together. i understand it all, and I'm really sorry and guilty for actually coming in-between you two, but i really can't control how i feel towards you anymore. i want you to know how i feel, i dw to hide my feelings. i dw to regret it in the future for not speaking whad i feel. its okay if you never really paid attention to my feeling, or maybe this is just a game to you..